I was raised Catholic, which means aside from being a red faced townie who buys scratch tickets and fist fights his cousins I was instilled with all sorts of fairy tales about guilt as a child. The one about Jesus watching you every time you touch yourself comes to mind. I always knew that one was bullshit though, because if you think about it that's like saying Jesus is into dudes, and if that's true, then why did he say all that stuff against gay marriage in the bible? But there is some truly devious shit you can do to bring shame upon yourself and all of your ancestors. For example: drinking all night and into the next morning, then calling in sick to work the next day because you are still drunk. Not saying I did this on New Year's Eve (of all nights), but a friend of mine did. So on behalf of him, I'd like to apologize to my grandparents and Abraham Lincoln and Darth Vader and everyone else up in heaven looking down on me. There's really no excuse for that sort of thing. From now on I promise to live up to the example my family set for me and start drinking early enough in the day that I pass out by midnight.

http://putthatshitonthelist.blogspot.com/2010/01/consuming-alcoholic-beverage-any-time.html